What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
