I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
