bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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