I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
