I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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