Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
