You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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