It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
