She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
