i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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