8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
