i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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