Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
