he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
