Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
