I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
