that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
