Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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