I'm lost and stupid without you.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
