I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
