I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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