Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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