but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
