Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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