So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
