She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
