Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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