Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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