Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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