I have demons in me.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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