Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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