I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
