32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
