Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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