Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
she pinky promised me she was 18
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
