I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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