Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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