you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
