We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
