I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
