so explain again why im purple
no
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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