I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
