if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
