HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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