We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
