I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
