my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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