Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
