I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
