if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
